


Caution

by itsaconquestofimagination



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Dad Kylo Ren, Drama, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Force Sensitivity, Force Visions, Force-Sensitive Reader, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren in Love, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Minor Violence, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pregnancy, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8328694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsaconquestofimagination/pseuds/itsaconquestofimagination
Summary: Just a few months after Starkillers destruction, Kylo is put into an arranged marriage with another strong force user (Y/N). Though both reluctant about the whole thing, they slowly grow to appreciate one another. Despite their improvements however, they still clash and butt heads constantly, especially when (Y/N) becomes pregnant.





	1. Chapter 1

Peering around the corner you smirked to yourself, Kylo was nowhere to be seen. For once the Knight had finally left you to your own business, at least for a little while. Quickly darting from behind your doorframe you started strolling down the hall, your long robes flowing behind you. This was the first time in days you had been outside of your own quarters alone, let alone outside of your quarters at all. For the sake of getting the snacks you so desperately craved and salvaging your own sanity, you had to get out at some point. 

As if Kylo hadn’t been overbearing enough when you had first arrived on the base, he surely exceeded any standards he had set before. Though he was reluctant to go forth with the arrangement, much like yourself, he surely took his status as your husband seriously. He seemed to see almost everything about it much like a task he had at work, treating the whole thing as if it was another job. Much to your displeasure, he also took it as a reason to be overly possessive of you and hover over everything you ever did. It was as if he was concerned you would escape the Order, find someone better, despite his obvious annoyance with you, he wanted you only to himself.

When you found out you were pregnant months later however, the behavior he exhibited got even worse. Any improvements you had made in your relationship seemed to take a backseat as his overbearing behavior pushed you to the limits of your patience. Both being force sensitive didn’t help the matter either. You would not only see, but feel his anger towards you, the impatience both of you exhibited making the air around you thick with tension. People of every rank were sure to avoid both of you when your arguments got heated, you were both infamous for spurts of rage. The stress of the situation was only multiplied when Supreme Leader Snoke emphasized just how significant this child was to the First Order. Though it was just one giant eye roll for you, knowing well that Snoke only intended to use your child just as he used Kylo, Kylo took the entire ordeal with great deal of legitimacy. The second Snoke finished that briefing, Kylo’s entire feeling over the situation shifted. What was once just something that was somewhat inevitable in nature, now became a great weight on his shoulders. Unfortunately, he believed you should carry that weight with him, despite your indifference to a majority of Snoke’s requests. Striding past a few doors you felt a grin grow larger on your face as you realized you were finally going to make it to the cantina without disruption. Just as quickly as that grin appeared however it disappeared as you saw the familiar cloud of black appear from one of the corridors.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Crossing your arms under your swollen chest you huffed. Of course Kylo was close by, the man was relentless. 

“To get food Kylo.”

He took quick strides up to you, his tone growing more aggrivated through the modulator.

“I told you the droids or maids would fetch that for you. Get back to our quarters, now.”

“No.”

“(Y/N). Don’t defy me.”

“Defy you? Really? Do you understand that you’re a husband, not a keeper?”

You could hear him take a deep breath, his energy growing hot underneath the mask. In his thoughts you could hear him attempting to talk himself down from yelling. His thoughts were often blocked off from you, with the exception of when you were in an argument, he always wanted you to know just how aggrivated you made him. In his opinion, you did it on purpose, getting a rise out of seeing him so infuriated. Truthfully, you were just responding to his behavior, even if your acts to irk him were a tad satisfying. 

“(Y/N), we’ve discussed this-”

“You know I don’t agree with your perspective on this Ren.”

“I don’t care if you agree.”

Furrowing your brows, you took steps closer, looking straight into the visor of his mask with flaring irises. You knew he could feel the anger growing within you as you narrowed your eyes. He was always in tune with your emotions, though he seldom responded to them appropriately. 

“Don’t care? Am I your prisoner or your wife? Or are you even aware of what the difference should be?”

Flaring his nostrils again, you could hear the leather of his gloves squeaking in his strained fist. 

“(Y/N).”

“Listen to me Ren. I went through with this arrangement, I am trying to work with you, shit I’m even carrying your child. The apparent future of the First Order and our legacy. The least you could do is pull the stick out of your ass and ease off of me at least a little.”

He brought his towering frame to you, his robes just barely grazing your protruding stomach. With his visor laser focused on you, you kept your glare unfaltering.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that.”

“I will speak to you however I please, honey.”

“You will speak to me with respect.”

“If you expect respect you should surely practice some of your own.”

Pointing one of his gloved hands down the hall with a snap, his tone grew more rigid, far more demanding than moments ago.

“Get back to the quarters now. I will not ask you again.”

Still standing firm you kept your glare, eyes barely blinking. 

“I’m. Getting. My. Food.”

“Go to our quarters and I’ll have it sent to you. What do you want?”

Though you were reluctant to end this argument, you were growing tired of it already. The months you had spent actually getting along seemed like a distant memory, and at this point, you were just exhausted. At least in this instance you would indulge Ren and his request simply because of your own perogative.

“A souffle, honeycrust and those cream puffs.”

You smiled at the thought, you had been eating such a regimented diet that you were to the point of fantasizing about food constantly. All you wanted was to sink your teeth into some sweet treats with a massive grin plastered across your face. You could practically taste and feel how that glorious moment would be for you. 

“You can’t eat those.”

Your smile instantly dropped as you glared at Kylo once again.

“Excuse me?”

“You have to stay on the diet you were given.”

Rolling your eyes dramatically you crossed your arms with a deep huff.

“Stars Kylo now you control what I eat too?”

“It’s for-”

“I don’t care what it’s for. You’re like a damn dictator. I’m obliging to go back to our quarters and rest, ok? I’m listening to you, just let me have the food.”

“No.”

Flaring your nostrils you attempted to use a push to fling Kylo into the wall behind him, only to have him abruptly grab your wrist.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“I dream about it to be honest.”

“Go back to our quarters.”

“Make me.”

At that he instantly raised a gloved hand to your forehead, gently passing it over you. Within an instant you fell limp into his arms in a sleepy state as he swept you into his arms bridal style. Not bothering to look behind him he spoke to one of the officers he knew to be eavesdropping.

“Make yourself useful and fetch her an evening meal. Make sure it’s properly heated and cut.”

The officer, a bundle of shaking nerves, nodded quickly as he hastily made his way down the hall.

“Right away Commander.”

Kylo carried you effortlessly back to your quarters, ensuring that you would get your proper rest. 

\---

As your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dark atmosphere of the room your brows knitted. Feeling the soft fabric of the sheets beneath you, you realized you had been tucked into bed. Kylo obviously had taken his opportune moment to return you where he thought you needed to be. Rolling your eyes as you slowly sat up you shoved the blankets aside. Kylo knew you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, yet he refused to let you. To you it felt as though he were treating you like the child instead of the one carrying it. Rehashing how much you desired to simply get up and wander, you swung your legs over the side of the bed, carefully pulling yourself to your feet. Wrapping your black robe around yourself once again you made your way to the blast doors, quickly hitting the control to open. With a hiss they slid open, instantly two storm troopers turned to look at you.

Ah damn him.

“Lady Ren, it has been requested by the Commander that you not leave your personal quarters for your own well being.”

Faking a smile you tilted your head the slightest as you looked over the two troopers. From what you picked up on the surface of their loudest thoughts and their aura, they were unfamiliar with guarding your quarters and were entirely nervous. Something you could easily take advantage of.

“Is that so?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Well…”

Standing between the two, they brought themselves closer together, attempting to prepare for your possible sprint off. Little did they know, they were only making your plans easier. Bringing your focus to the both of them you smirked for a moment before your expression turned serious. 

“You will allow me to leave these quarters and go for a walk.”

The two turned to each other, hesitating. They turned back to you in a unified motion.

“Lady Ren we-”

“You will allow me to leave these quarters and go for a walk.”

There was a moment of silence that hung in the air, waiting to see if you had succeeded.

“We will allow you to leave these quarters and go for a walk.”

Smiling to yourself you gave them a short nod.

“Thank you gentlemen.”

Gliding past them with ease you made your way down a different corridor, your particular favorite, the viewport. With how overbearing Kylo was the moment he found out you were pregnant, he seldom let you out of his sight without a fight. All you needed to unwind at this moment was to see the blank yet beautifully glittering night sky. It was one of the only things that instantly brought you peace. Walking down the hall you continued to look over your shoulder, anticipating that Kylo would suddenly appear and catch you off guard. You may have been powerful in the force, but he was just as, if not more powerful than you. To your disadvantage, Kylo seemed to always be a step ahead of you when it came to matters of the force. If you thought you could sneak out of a meeting sly as a fox, Kylo would always beat you to it or make it difficult for you to achieve. Just as you turned your gaze back to the hallway in front of you, you took note of another presence. It was an anxious and tense energy, pacing. Walking further down the hall you saw no one, yet you couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was close by. The way your hairs stood on end and your skin felt as though there was a hot breath ghosting against your neck, you couldn’t be so sure that there was in fact no one down there. Suddenly without warning a strong and broad palm hidden in black cloth grabbed you and shoved you into a corridor. Before you could fully react the same hand aggressively applied itself to your neck, pushing you into the metal wall behind you with brute force. 

A trooper? 

The figure trying to choke you was in fact a storm trooper. Just as you tried to discover why this particular trooper had cornered you, the man peeled his helmet off. With yellowed teeth smirking deviously at you with seething irises boring into you, he ran his tongue over his lips causing your stomach to churn.

“Well, well if it isn’t Lady Ren. You know there’s a pretty price on your head?”

Through gritted teeth you raised your hands to his forearm, instantly lodging your nails into his skin. He released a huff trying to resist the feeling of pain you were applying.

“I want my credits, and if that means killing off the future of the Order, so be it.”

Feeling your heart start to ram against your chest, you aggressively shoved your nails deeper into his skin as he yelped out in response. As he winced from the pain, you used your available power to throw him into the wall opposite of you. Finally feeling your airways relieved you started taking in deep breaths, fluttering your eyes shut. You could feel your body pleading with you to calm yourself, remove yourself from the area. As your eyes opened your heart nearly stopped as you saw the man moving towards you once again with the same seething anger in his eyes. The instant he took his second step however a familiar crackling buzz cut through the air. Jumping back slightly with your hand over your chest you watched as the man fell to the floor, marked by Kylo’s saber from his shoulder and through his abdomen. Releasing a deep breath you felt the instant wave of relief within you. You wouldn’t have to physically fight off your attacker after all. Despite that relief however, you couldn’t deny the pulsing rage standing just a foot away from you with heavy breaths heaving through his body. You could hear them escaping the modulator, almost distorted by the technology. Turning his saber off once again. He rolled his shoulders. Testing your luck you stuttered out.

“I-”

“Quarters. Now.” 

His voice was just as cold and dismissive as it usually was, but you could feel the heat of anger still only building inside of him. 

“Kylo-”

“GO!!”

Blinking at the sudden yelling, you hesitated. For once, you didn’t want to defy his requests. The waves of emotion rolling onto you from his end were as intense as the burning through his irises that you were sure laid under that visor. If you fought him on this one, you knew there would be no compromise. With what had just occured, he would not dare let this slide without a heated debate. With a blank expression you nodded, silently leaving him in the hall, heavy breaths still escaping his modulator. Returning down the hall, though your back was to Kylo you could feel his eyes on you for a moment, burning into you. Moments, if not seconds later, you could hear the same crackling buzz start slashing into the heavy sheets of metal that made up the hallway. Opting to ignore another one of his infamous fits, you continued your way to the quarters. 

\---

Late into the night, finally settling down your nerves from earlier, you found yourself awake yet again as you were unable to get comfortable. Sighing in frustration you shifted around your side of the bed, trying to position your swollen stomach just right on the pillows provided. They were great quality, but lacked just the right level of soft cotton you desired to have craddle your bump. Just as you moved to slide another pillow under your swollen side, you heard a faint whimper from Kylo.

“Mmhh.”

Pausing you waited to see if you had woken him, but he didn’t seem to budge much after that, only the rising and falling of his breaths. Turning back to your task you slowly tried to slide another pillow under your side, attempting to not wake Kylo. Just as the pillow was situated, you heard him once again.

“No…no please.”

Pausing, you looked over your shoulder to Kylo once again. His head had shifted slightly, but he was still asleep. Rolling your eyes you tried to get comfortable once again, not knowing how you were going to sleep if he was talking in his sleep once again. This late into your pregnancy, you craved sleep more than anything, but with Kylo it was a gamble as to whether or not you’d sleep peacefully. 

“No…don’t hurt her.”

His tone was growing more concerned, as if he was about to yell or cry in his sleepy state. Turning your head once more you saw him shift his shoulders, almost curling into himself as his long limbs rolled up towards his torso.

“What have you done.”

His large frame was now starting to tremble from underneath the sheets, his bare back almost vibrating. Seeing where this was going as his growing anxious energy hit you, you turned yourself over onto your other side carefully.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

The tone of regret and worry in his voice was growing even heavier as the phrases continued flowing past his lips.

“Please…please you can’t…no.”

As his head took a sudden shift, you decided to relieve him of his nightmare, quickly putting your hand onto his shoulder. With a tight grip you started shaking him.

“Kylo, Kylo wake up.”

“No…no please.”

You shook harder, “Kylo.”

“(Y/N) please.”

Using more of your strength you aggressively shook his shoulder, finally raising your voice.

“Kylo wake up! Wake up!”

Hearing a sudden gasp from him as his shoulder blades clenched together, you stopped shaking him, leaving your hand over his shoulder. With a few silent moments of only hearing his heavy breaths, you decided to speak once again.

“Kylo.”

Feeling his emotions hit you suddenly, you felt his worry and sadness over whatever he had seen. It was as if everything around his aura faded to a deep dark blue, no longer flaring with flames of anger, but depression.

“…Kylo?”

Hearing him sniffle, you softened your expression as you started rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to soothe him. You were used to his frequent nightmares at this point, they were one of the only things you positively worked on in your marriage. Rather than ignoring him as you did at first, you now understood he needed reassurance and comfort when he awoke in the night with a jolt.

“Kylo what happened?”

Hearing his voice croak you felt your gut sink slightly.

“The nightmare…something horrible.”

Scooting closer to him you continued rubbing his shoulder.

“It’s ok. You can tell me.”

You saw his raven locks shift on the pillow beneath him, rustling against the fabric as he shook his head.

“No…no I can’t.”

“I’m your wife Kylo…like it or not I’m your confidant an-”

“Something happened to you…I don’t want to speak of it.”

Pausing for a moment, you swallowed, slowly continuing your soothing motions. You knew Kylo’s mind was constantly flooded and puppeted by Snoke, but what tortured him the most was not being able to differentiate between what was a nightmare produced by Snoke or his morbid psyche or a vision from the force. It all blurred together and it killed him each and everytime they haunted his slumber. 

“What happened to me?”

“…I told you I don’t want to discuss it.” 

“Kylo I can handle it.”

The room grew silent for a few moments, no sound in the air except for the soft breaths you were both taking.

“…I can’t.”

Knitting your brows, you tried pulling his shoulder, attempting to pull his body towards you. Like a rag doll he allowed you to move him in your direction. As his face came into view you could see his bloodshot eyes, still glistening with tears, the sweat visible on his dark brows. Reaching a hand forward slowly you attempted to enter his mind, focusing your available power in your groggy state on him. Just as you began to see inside his thoughts he instantly gripped onto your wrist aggressively, blocking you from his mind. With a pained expression on his face he shook his head.

“Kylo please-”

“I won’t let you…I can’t. You don’t need to see what I’ve seen.”

“Kylo please what if it’s-”

His tone suddenly rose, causing you to flinch slightly.

“Don’t say it! It can’t be.”

Recoiling your hands to yourself, you dropped your gaze from his face. Slowly curling into yourself, you almost regretted trying to comfort him. For once he was resitant, cold to your affection. Softening his tone, he spoke again.

“I know you want to see, to help me…but I can’t.”

“…Was it that bad?”

As his lip quivered, he shut eyes while tears started to slowly slip from them once again. Gently bringing your hand to his shoulder you tried soothing him once again as he released a wavering breath. Giving you a small nod he slowly opened his eyes again, the pain obvious in them as he looked back at you.

“It was mortifying.”

Bringing yourself closer to him you nuzzled your head into his chest, snuggling as much of yourself up to him as you could manage. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around you, the shaking in his body still obvious as he craddled you to him.

“…I’m here…it was just a nightmare.”

Hearing his voice croak again you felt a hot tear drop ontop of your scalp.

“Stars I hope so.”

“…Were…were you the one who did it?”

You felt his head shift, obviously shaking it. Being this close to him you could feel within him, his heart sink that it was a possibility in your mind that he would physically harm you. Recalling just how graphic and heart shattering the image he had seen was, he hoped you would never see him as that much of a despicable monster. Even he had a limit.

“No…someone else…to spite me.”

Gulping you nodded into his chest. The events of the day must have triggered this nightmare. Or at least that’s what you hoped. 

“…So they came after me to get to you?”

“…They thought I didn’t care for you…but they were more than elated when they saw that I did. …They took advantage of it.”

Looking up to him with a faint smile you gently placed a hand to his torso.

“You care for me?”

His brows furrowed as he looked down at you.

“Did you believe otherwise?”

You shrugged, “You just…we fight so often.”

“We’re both passionate people who hold a lot of anger within us. I don’t fight with you out of disdain.”

“What about your constant patrolling of me? It’s like you don’t trust me…or see me as an incapable child. Since I became pregnant…its as though I’m a prisoner in my own home.”

His expression softened, his brows relaxing as he nodded.

“I only had good intentions.”

Scoffing lightly you rolled your eyes, starting to mindlessly trace patterns over his chest with your fingernail.

“Like what?”

“To protect you. It’s the only thing I can contribute. You’re already intelligent and physically able to defend yourself. I’m of no value. …You could do this entirely by yourself…I know you could.”

Looking back up to him, you brought your hand gently up to his cheek, gently stroking it. You hoped he could feel just how much his words hit you deep in the chest. Of course he annoyed you in 5,000 different ways, but you never thought of him as lacking value. If anything his words were a reflection of how he saw himself. Though he would not do well with a damsel as a wife, he felt as if he was a space filler next to someone like you. You put the ‘power’ in ‘powerhouse’. He was right to an extent, you really could go through this by yourself, but it didn’t mean you wanted to. 

“Kylo. Just because I’m independent doesn’t mean I don’t need you sometimes.”

His eyes stayed focused on yours for a while, taking in your warm and soft expression. You could feel his earlier tension start to slowly subside.

“Don’t ever say you’re of no value. I value you.”

He swallowed, still staring at you intently.

“You do?”

You nodded with a faint smile.

“Of course, I value your commitment to things…how passionate you are…your relentless efforts to keep me safe from practically anything and everything…your companionship.”

Seeing his eyes glisten a little under the dim light in the room, you kept your focus on them. If anything his eyes were your favorite feature he possessed, they were both intense and yet warm. Much like himself, though he was only ever warm with you. His lip just barely twitched into a smile.

“…I value you too.”

You smiled at him, giving him a short nod. After a moment of simply looking at him he finally spoke, realizing you were waiting for an answer.

“I uh…I value your passion for things as well…your attempts to be patient with me…your compassion…your loyalty…just you.”

Placing your head onto his chest, you smiled to yourself. You were most certainly the only person in the entirety of the galaxy that got to see this side of Kylo. To you it felt like an honor that you could have the Knight of Ren be so gentle and considerate with you. Gently Kylo ran his large palm up and down your back.

“(Y/N).”

“Yes Kylo.”

“…What if I can’t do this?”

Though the statement was vague, you knew exactly what he was referring to. It was surprisingly the first time he ever vocalized his worries of becoming a father, 7 months after the announcement. His self doubt and loathing was more than evident through the aura he gave off, and it was no surprise that within them was his crippling fear of what could happen. He had no great example to look to, he had no experience with observing others, and his advisor would give him no sound suggestions. There was only him, and his instinct. That thought alone terrified him.

“There is no one way to be prepared Kylo.”

“What if I mess it up?”

“You won’t…I have faith in you.”

He looked deep into your eyes, brows furrowing at your words. 

“How could you possibly have any in someone like me? To be a father?”

Running your hand up and down his bicep you spoke softly.

“Had you met some of the people who I saw praised for being wonderful parents, you’d understand why. Not everything is as it seems. You surely won’t jump right into it, you won’t ever be the best father in the galaxy, but eventually you’ll get it. At least kind of get it.”

Grabbing onto one of his hands you gently guided his large palm to lay on your stomach as you kept your (Y/E/C) locked onto his.

“They just want you to try…you will never be perfect, and neither will I. I mean look at us. All this little thing wants is for you to put forth effort, no matter how trying or terrifying it is.”

He gulped, his eyes moving down to your stomach. He had yet to actually touch the bump, mostly distancing himself from standing or sleeping too closely to you. It was as if he was so afraid of his own broad figure crushing you that even the slightest proximity made him nervous. There also seemed to be an underlying fear that his mere touch to your flesh, would taint the small being, curse them. He felt unworthy to lay his hands on such an innocent thing.

“I’m more than imperfect (Y/N)-”

“Kylo, if you never allow yourself to see past one side of yourself, you will become exactly what you fear. Your pesimism and denial will only fuel that conception. You have to see more in yourself.”

Just as he was about to protest and abruptly pull his hand from you he suddenly felt a soft thud against his palm. Jumping slightly his body jolted for a split second as his eyes went wide.

“Was…was that?”

You nodded with a smile.

“That’s them. I suppose you could say they’re saying hello.”

He stared down at his large hand still on your stomach, now fascinated. Needless to say when it came to babies Kylo only knew about the basic facts and biology of them. Starkiller and the Finalizer were not places where babies were ever found or discussed. On top of that, he was also the only child around the Resistance for years of his young age, almost never seeing anyone younger than him as he grew. The Jedi temple, quite obviously, did not have them either. Your child would quite literally be the first baby Kylo had ever dealt with in all his years of living. Watching Kylo’s expression you found yourself grinning. You had minimal experience with any of this as well, but compared to Kylo, you were certainly going to be the foundation of this whole new journey. Even as committed and heavily trained as you were in the Dark forces, you definitely possessed the most emotional knowledge as well as empathy in this relationship. No matter what conflict of Light and Dark Kylo faced, his seething anger over his ‘weakness’ overrode any potential chances to exhibit that empathy or understand it. He only wished to destroy it. That is until you came into his life.

“They know its you.”

Seeing his lip start to quiver again you just barely ran a gentle hand down his cheek, assuring your fingers carefully caressed his damp skin. As you made the motion you heard his thoughts in your head.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry for what I am. I know you deserve a better-”

Flicking his cheek to halt his thoughts you watched him blink in surprise, turning his eyes to you. Your brows were furrowed, faintly shaking your head.

“Stop.”

“(Y/N) it’s the-”

“You will become exactly the father you resented and fear if you don’t stop.”

Considering your words he stopped, pressing his plump lips together releasing a deep breath through his nostrils. Bringing his gaze back to your stomach, he remained still and stared at it. From his thoughts you could tell he was awaiting another movement. As terrified as he was to go through with this, despite the Supreme Leader pushing for it for his alterior motives, he was also beginning to realize that somewhere deep within those shrouds of darkness over his heart, he wanted this. He wanted to share this with you. Not just a legacy for the sake of the Order, but a connection that deepened your ties to one another.   
Feeling another thump against his palm, you saw his lips form a sort of ‘o’ shape. Peering slightly over to the other side of your stomach. You giggled faintly, feeling content at the sight of him so enraptured. Shifting himself down the mattress, he assured his head was resting against your belly, an ear placed to it.

“Hear anything?”

He hesitated a moment before nodding, “A heartbeat…fluid moving around.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Their heartbeat is so…calm…it’s nice.” 

You grinned, “They’re resting up for their arrival. Of course they’re calm.”

Turning himself once again he placed a small and extremely unexpected chastely kiss to your skin with his full pink lips. Raising your brows in surprise at the sight, you watched him give the bump one last soft caress with his large hands before he shifted again. Content with that much contact he carefully shimmied his way back up the mattress to lay his head next to yours. Gently gesturing, Kylo waited for you to turn your back to his bare chest. Once you were comfortable he carefully wrapped his broad arms around you, nuzzling his nose into your hair as he held you close. 

“I love you.”

Feeling your heart swell you smiled, cuddling more closely to his warm body. He seldom said it, and it was more often said in moments of heated passion than endearingly quiet moments such as this. 

“I love you too.”

“Oh…I was talking to the baby actually.”

With a gasp you playfully slapped Kylo’s arm causing him to flinch for a quick moment.

“Ah!”

“That’s what you get.”

Bringing his lips closer to your ear you felt his hot breath dust against the lobe.

“I love you too…truthfully.”

Turning to face him you winked, “Feelings mutual.”

With a soft kiss you both hummed in content, returning to your comfortable positions as you drifted peacefully to sleep.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling back into their improved communication, Kylo and (Y/N) start their next journey together. Though it’s turbulent it’s rewarding, and only the beginning.

Walking back into your personal quarters, after a long and entirely unncessary day in his opinion, Kylo strode through the blast doors. With it being this late in the evening he attempted to get ready to rest quietly, placing his helmet down gently on its usual ash tray. He spent a moment staring at it, slowly realizing he didn’t particularly want to spend time pondering over it. Striding back towards the bedroom Kylo carefully removed his belt as he laid it over a chair nearby the door. Slowly he started removing his layers quietly as he made his way into the room. Setting his eyes on the bed in front of him, he faintly smiled at the sight that laid in it. 

Completely exhausted and passed out, with hair sprawling over the pillow, you slept, your chest rising and falling from the soft breaths you were taking. Compared to your usually combative stance, you looked peaceful, calm in this deep slumber. Faintly the sound of cooing and mumbling caught Kylo’s attention. Judging from how little you had moved it was not you that was making these sounds. Turning his gaze towards the crib not too far from your bedside, Kylo noted the other presence in the room, definitely active. He quietly strided over to it, suddenly growing nervous as he approached. 

Ever since the birth of your son, Kylo had been even more hesitant to approach you whenever the small bundle was in your arms. Not seeing the child when it was in your stomach was far easier to deal with than now seeing the small innocent creature stare back at him. He knew the Supreme Leader wanted this, that deep down he wanted this to a degree as well, but to a point he resented the whole arrangement. You had brought this small thing into the world, and the poor creature had to have Kylo as its father. It was something he didn’t truly want to wish upon the poor child, despite his deeply hidden desire to have it.   
Suddenly second guessing himself, he paused. He could just as easily go to sleep and ignore the small noises, allow you to take care of it if it grew any louder. Though even 3 months later, he had not done much to help anything except assist you in your recovery. He was sure the only thing the child knew about him was the sound of his voice.

Just as he turned to return to the bed, the whining noises grew louder, threatening to awake you from your peaceful state. Groaning faintly Kylo made his way over to the crib, cautiously approaching the side. Carefully he placed his now bare hands on the side, looking down inside. Wrapped in a grey blanket, squirming and stretching was your son, his eyes winced closed as he squirmed to the left. His soft whines were barely above an inside voice, though they were slowly growing louder.

“H-hey.”

The baby continued to squirm and whine. Clearing his throat Kylo tried again, raising his voice just slightly.

“Ssshh hey.”

He didn’t generally ever shush anyone, but in this moment your usual words of comfort you used for this small being seemed like a better route than what was coming to his mind. Softly the baby’s whining ceased as he turned his deep brown eyes towards Kylo, barely cooing through his closed lips. Kylo swallowed, realizing this was the first time he had held eye contact with this child in its life thus far. Its eyes were much like his, an intense but warm tone of brown. His face was round and chubby much like Kylo’s had once been when he was an infant, the same head of hair slowly growing atop his head, thin strands only recently making their appearance. Gulping Kylo stared back at the baby boy, contemplating a hundred and one things about the whole scenario. From the lack of his presence around his son, he wondered if the child even knew who he was, if his force sensitivity helped him figure it out, if he thought anything at all about Kylo. There was always the possibility that to this small infant, Kylo looked like any other face he was brought in front of. 

“Don’t cry.”

The boy just stared back at Kylo, his whining now ceasing for a moment as he watched Kylo’s lips move. 

“You’re okay.”

The baby cooed, gently shifting again from underneath his bundle of blankets, mouth just barely moving as his brown eyes blinked at Kylo. 

“You don’t know who I am do you?”

Still nothing as the baby remained silent, but observant. Kylo huffed out the faintest chuckle, attempting to mask his disappointment. Though he wasn’t sure if it was geared towards himself or the infant.

“It’s probably best that way.”

The small baby then squirmed, beginning to whine once again. Furrowing his brows Kylo looked down at him, trying to understand what he could possibly want. Looking over his shoulder he saw that you were still asleep, something you didn’t get to do much of these past few weeks. Turning back to the infant Kylo gulped, hesitantly reaching his large hands inside the crib.

“Ssshhh, your mother is sleeping.”

His tiny frame continued to squirm, now whining with more frustration. Taking note of the blankets Kylo finally understood, he was wrapped too snuggly inside of them. Your attempts to keep him as warm as possible did not take into account the fact that he liked to stretch and wiggle whenever he was awake. Kylo hesitated, unsure if he should truly be the one to touch the infant, even if it was only to undo the blanket wrapping. He looked over his shoulder once again, debating on whether or not to wake you up. Turning back to his son whose face was visibly starting to scrunch up in discomfort and frustration, he remembered something you had said. 

All this little thing wants is for you to put forth effort, no matter how trying or terrifying it is.

Releasing a deep breath Kylo nodded, as if reassuring himself he could do this. Reaching down cautiously into the crib, he brought his trembling hands to the infant’s blankets. 

“Ssshhh, sshhh.”

Carefully Kylo took a corner of the fabric from under the infant, quickly unfolding it from his small body. Taking another corner out from under him, freeing his arms the infant’s whining slowly turned to cooing. His brown eyes searched the crib around him, as if confused as to how that had happened, until his eyes met Kylo’s. Kylo nervously watched as his son now had his limbs free to move, taking this new freedom of motion as an opportunity to wave his arms around. 

Looking back up at Kylo the infant cooed, curious. Of course he knew Kylo, the force within him as well as his time hearing and observing this new world around him, he recognized him almost as well as you. Kylo however was more of a mystery figure, someone rarely seen, yet always heard and felt in presence. Tilting his head the slightest, the infant stared at Kylo with what appeared to be a faint grin.  
Kylo felt some relief, knowing that at least for now the crying and whining would cease. Seeing the infant’s curious gaze however made it obvious that he couldn’t go to sleep just yet, he saw how often you had to keep your presence known to him before you could truly walk away and rest. With his hand still in the crib, Kylo went to unfold another piece of fabric from over the infant’s torso. Placing his finger to the fabric as gently as he could manage he was almost startled by the sudden feeling against his skin. The finger he had used to unfold the fabric was now in the soft and incredibly warm hold of the infant. Cooing still, his curious eyes looked at the rather large index finger in his small hand, trailing his gaze back up to Kylo whose eyes were in a whirlwind of emotion. 

On the one hand Kylo wanted to pull away as quickly as he could, deprive himself of getting this close to his son, but on the other he was over the moon from even this small of a gesture. A man as notorious for violence and no mercy as himself, was somehow graced with the trust of this small infant. Despite all of his attempts to distance himself from it, he had somehow managed to make some sort of impression on him. From his jumbled thoughts Kylo could sense his feelings. He was curious, sensing the familiarity of Kylo’s face and voice, but not able to understand Kylo’s emotions that were projected towards him.   
Gulping once again Kylo spoke softly, reminiscing on something he heard in the back of his head. A voice all too familiar, yet hauntingly comforting in this moment. A part of him wanted to never hear it again, but part of him couldn’t deny that in this moment, it’s exactly what he needed.

“So…that’s what you meant…a scoundrel like you. …I get it.”

Looking at his son with eyes now blurring with welling tears Kylo sighed.

“I get it.”

\---

The next day, sitting in the living area as you held your son, you heard the blast doors to your right hiss open, catching your attention. Emerging from the doorframe, glistening slightly from the light of the hallway entered that familiar chrome armor. Striding into the living area, Phasma removed her helmet, revealing her pink hued cheeks and blonde hair. 

“So she lives.”

You grinned, patting the seat next to you.

“In fact I do. Come.”

Placing her helmet carefully on a loveseat, Phasma made her way next to you on the couch, sitting rather slowly and cautiously.

“With how rarely I saw you outside your quarters I thought something had happened to you. Especially after the reports of that bounty hunter that made it aboard the ship. Glad to see you’re alright though…and is this the First Order’s new pride and joy himself?”

You nodded, “Oh yes, in all his small pudgey glory.”

Gently moving your torso towards Phasma, you assured your arms were in her line of sight, showcasing your son who was just drifting off to sleep, his eyes fluttering. Phasma gazed at him in awe, though it wasn’t clear if it was an endearing observation or assessment of him. 

“Stars, he’s even smaller than the children we get in the beginning of the trooper program. Is he supposed to be this small?”

“He’s only 3 months old Phasma, give him time.”

Tilting her head to look at him in a different angle she grinned faintly. From the way her eyes scanned him in your arms you were more than positive Phasma had either almost never been around babies, or wished to a degree that her job entailed being around the babies in the storm trooper program, finding them fascinating. 

“Well considering his gene pool I’m sure he’ll grow to be stronger than the lot of us.”

You smiled, “Maybe.”

“How was Ren during delivery? I was overseeing the new base operations and missed the entire thing.”

You snickered faintly, remembering the whole evening. 

“Well, to say the least, he was not at all prepared. He sweated a lot, said some profanity I was not aware he knew prior, paced the floor a lot, and his entire body was shaking for a while.”

Phasma smirked, she seldom got to hear about the side of Kylo that was still attempting to adjust to married life as well as becoming a father. In her mind, the scenario was likely comical and yet underlyingly tragic for him.

“Is that right?”

You nodded, “He actually scooped me up and sprinted to the med bay when my water broke, even though I told him he could wait another few hours. That only made him more anxious because as you know patience is not his strong suit. I think at least one of the medical droids suffered because of that, not really sure. At one point he also asked if I could ‘hold it in’ for a little while longer, as if he’d be more prepared if I did.”

Phasma instantly broke into laughter, lightly slapping her knee.

“He actually said that?”

“Oh yeah, he was a wreck, but he pulled it somewhat together.”

“So he didn’t faint?”

“He came pretty close, considering how tense and shakey he was the entire time I’m actually surprised he didn’t. Though I think he went into slight shock when he finally saw the baby arriving. He kept leaving the room in a flurry of stress and nerves, but every time he came back he surely picked…interesting moments to do so.”

She shook her head still chuckling faintly.

“Ah Ren. Naive and short tempered as he is, it sounds as though he held it together, better than some.”

You nodded, turning your attention down to your son who was drifting further into sleep as his eyes fell shut. Phasma looked at him as well, grinning slightly at the sight of him.

“Ironic isn’t it?”

Turning her attention back to you, Phasma’s expression returned to her more serious demeanor. From the energy she gave off, you could tell she was shifting the conversation in her usual efficient fashion. Even an adorable bundle couldn’t distract her from her duties as Captain.

“Aside from checking in, I wanted to alert you about an upcoming mission. One I want you on.”

You nodded, still rocking your son.

“What mission?”

“There’s a rumored lead on the whereabouts of the Resistance base, the main hub of their operations. Though my men are well trained and equipped to take this on, it is a sure thing that we would be in need of assistance. With you and Ren we are sure to bring them to their knees. He may be powerful, but with you there is no denying that this mission would be a success.”

You nodded, considering the idea. It had been almost a year since you had been out in the field let alone sat in on any meetings of the First Order’s next political moves. To be a part of a mission this vital was exactly what your body was aching for, to be in relentless motion once again. To smell the smoke, hear the blaster fire and feel the hilt of your saber in your hands. Hearing your son coo again you suddenly were drawn out of your contemplation, realizing the other element that was now a part of your life. 

“What about this one? What am I going to do? Ren trusts legitamately no one but ourselves to watch him.”

Phasma looked down to him again, sighing as she shrugged.

“Bring him.”

Your eyes went wide as your brows furrowed. 

“Are you mental? Bring my baby to a battle?”

“(Y/N), trust me with the environment this baby was surrounded by from the womb to birth, the sounds of blasters will be almost as mundane to him as the sound of your holopad powering up.”

“Phasma-”

“You want to get out on the field again don’t you?”

You sighed, nodding.

“Then bundle him close, keep him covered and stay with Ren. There should be no issue.” 

“Phasma you make it sound as though we’re walking through the park.”

“You used to speak about it the same way.”

About to protest, she cut you off by standing from the couch making her way over to the loveseat as she grabbed her helmet once again.

“Please consider it (Y/N). We really do need you on this one. If it’s any relief, it could end up being nothing, might actually end up becoming a little family getaway for you.”

You rolled your eyes, “Oh yes I’ve dreamt of the days of relaxing with my family, slicing open a few rebels before we settle in for a picnic.”

Phasma shrugged, “Sounds like something you would do.”

With that she walked up to the blast doors, opening them once again before turning to you once more.

“Oh and congratulations on your little one.”

You smiled, giving her a short nod.

“Yeah thanks.”

As the blast doors shut you looked down at your son, releasing a deep breath as you saw he had finally fallen asleep. Faintly running a finger over his cheek, you shook your head.

“What are we gonna do with you?”

\---

Once Kylo had returned to your quarters, stripping down to his pajamas, you tried to formulate a way to speak with him about the mission. Though he was adiment about you getting involved in missions when you first arrived to the Order, stars only knew how he would feel now that you had a child in the equation. Returning from your pacing by the large window, you found yourself freezing in place as you looked to your bed. Laying on his side, Kylo was watching your son squirm on the other side of the bed, trying to figure out where he was. The proximity he had to the infant was enough to make you wonder, considering how determined he was at first to stay away from him. For someone who practically ran from the room anytime you asked if he wanted to hold him, this was surely a change in behavior. Though to most this wouldn’t be seen as an improvement, you couldn’t deny that it warmed your heart just the slightest. You could sense his cautious hesitation, but the look in his eyes also displayed his admiration of this small being. Even with the hesitation, he couldn’t entirely deny that he was trying to put into practice what you had advised. After remembering the father he had had, he wanted to assure that at least to some degree, he wouldn’t be as neglectful or distant with his own son.  
Grinning faintly, you took slow steps towards him, your robe gliding across the floor behind you.

“Look who finally showed up.”

Kylo looked up to you, giving you a faint smirk.

“I’m making sure he doesn’t roll off.”

You smiled, shaking your head slightly as you made your way over to the bed as well.

“Sure you are.”

Carefully seating yourself behind Kylo, you adjusted yourself on the edge of the bed, running a hand softly down his side. Following his gaze you smiled at the sight of your son turning on his side, cooing as he saw you both in his line of sight. 

“He has your nose.”

“And your eyes.”

Kylo sighed, his side falling just slightly from your touch. 

“Something’s troubling you.”

You nodded, continuing your soothing hand motions.

“Phasma came to visit today, proceeded to tell me about a mission involving the Resistance and how she wished I would come along.”

Kylo’s brows furrowed, “Why does that trouble you?”

“Well, there’s no one to watch him, and…well she made a suggestion. I’m not sure you’d appreciate it.”

Kylo looked up to you for a moment, his brows still furrowed.

“What suggestion?”

“That um…that we bring him…with us…on the mission.”

Kylo’s expression instantly fell into one far more serious.

“What in the galaxy would make Phasma think that was a good idea?”

“I don’t know, I told her you trust no one but us to watch him, trying to dissuade her from suggesting baby sitters, but I understand that it’s no place for him.”

Kylo released a deep breath, looking back to your son as he rolled onto his stomach, making some sort of sound to go with the motion. 

“She did remind me that with all the sounds he had been around since he was in the womb, he would likely see blaster fire as common place.”

“(Y/N), you’re actually considering this?”

You shrugged, unsure of what words would really make your point seem valid. You were unsure yourself if this was even remotely a good idea, but the other options were not looking promising either. 

“I sort of am.”

Kylo looked between you and your son, weighing the options. He was fiercely protective of both of you and truly resented the idea of anyone else watching him with a passion. The fear that someone else would influence him in a negative way, weighed heavily in Kylo’s psyche. He already wasn’t much of a role model for his son, the last thing he needed was to add to the list. The idea of an infant attending a battle however, did also put him on edge. If he was supposed to be protecting this small being, how was he going to put it in the line of fire and act as if that were a sane choice? He ran a hand down his face as he sighed again, his nostrils faintly flaring.

“…You can swaddle him close?”

You nodded, starting the soothing motions of your hand up his side once again.

“Yes, he’d be tied to my chest as if he were sewn into it.”

“…Fine. But if I suggest you stay back, I want you to truly listen to me. Know that it’s because of the hazard, it will not a play on controlling you.”

You nodded, “Of course.”

You both looked back up to your son who was pulling himself up towards the pillows, enjoying the feeling of the soft cotton in his small fists. As he made another cooing noise you smiled, only to feel Kylo fall into ease, at least slightly. 

\---

Sure enough, a week later you found yourself waiting to leave the Command Shuttle, standing out of your copilot seat with your son tightly snuggled and bound to your front. As Kylo stood, he gently brought his hand to your lower back, guiding you towards the ramp.

“I will go first, if the area is not clear you are to stay inside. Are we clear?”

You nodded, coming to a stop as you reached the top of the ramp. Off to your side you heard another set of boots come forward, only to sense their eyes on you.

“Is…is that your child? …Here?”

Looking in that direction, you were not at all surprised to be met with Hux arching a brow as he looked at your son resting his head against your chest. Kylo made his way in front of you, slightly obstructing Hux’s view of your son.

“What business is it of yours?”

Hux scoffed, “You brought a damn baby on this mission?”

You shrugged, “He doesn’t mind. Surely he’s in better hands with us in battle than with your incompetent men trying to care for him.”

Hux sneered, shaking his head as you could hear his thoughts of how the Supreme Leader had possibly allowed Kylo to ever even have a wife let alone be encourgaed to procreate. Suddenly the ramp lowered with a hiss of steam as Kylo instantly made his way down the metal, closely followed by Hux and a few troopers. Waiting a few moments you heard the sound of blasters going off, a few shrill screams echoing across the grassy landscape. Looking down to the swaddle on your front, you were in fact proven that Phasma was right. Your son remained still against you, his aura calm and restful as he nuzzled his head further into the fabric of your robes. For such a small infant you weren’t sure if his indifference to the noise was actually because of his time in the womb or because he was too young to understand what was actually happening just outside. 

“Coast is clear.”

Hearing Kylo’s seal of approval you walked down the ramp, met with the tail end of their struggle with whatever troops of the Resistance were left. A few blast shots came flying towards Kylo only to have him block them instantly with his saber. Checking your son again, just waiting for the sound of his shrill cry, you were instead met with his eyes searching the area. As the last shots were fired and the rebel fighters fell, you sighed with relief. This had surely turned out better than you had anticipated in any scenario. You still got to experience the smell of the smoke, the sounds of combat as well as having that familiar saber hilt in your grip. Though you were not using it at the moment, you couldn’t help but feel a little more at peace with it resting in your palms. One of the troopers suddenly approached you and Kylo, his blaster held closely to his chest.

“The area is clear sir. It does not appear this is the base, the outpost over that hillside looks promising for intel however.”

Kylo nodded, “Report to General Hux and retrieve any information you can. Alert Lady Ren and I when you are prepared to return to the base.” 

The trooper gave him one short nod, “Yes sir.”

As he ran off, Kylo turned to you, his mask tilting so he could see you through the visor. 

“How is he?”

You shrugged with a slight smirk, “Surprisingly fine. It’s as if we left him at home to sleep.” 

His gaze moved down to the swaddle, tilting his head as he smirked from underneath his mask.

“So he is accustomed to these sounds.”

“I suppose.”

“For one so small, he’s already showing more strength in his demeanor than some of my new troops. Surely he’ll grow to be strong.”

You scoffed, shaking your head slightly as you gently stroked the hairs on your sons head.

“Don’t jump to conclusions Ren, he has a ways to go before you can put such pressure on him.”

Quietly Kylo reached forward, resting his hand on your upper arm. Looking back at you, his eyes sincere underneath the mask, he shook his head faintly.

“I will do no such thing. He will grow to be whatever he desires, whatever he sees his strength within.”

You smiled, feeling more than content with that sentiment. Knowing Kylo’s past with his father, who so often wished Kylo was not force sensitive, let alone as strong with it as he was, this was a small but notable step in the right direction. Of course you would have to assure he lived up to such a promise, but the mere fact that he was acknowledging that option was a sign of improvement in your eyes. You nodded, as Kylo gently turned you to a side facing a pathway.

“There’s meadows here. Maybe we could, search for intel in them?”

You giggled faintly, nodding in agreement as you intertwined one of your hands with his.

“Why yes, these meadows must be riddled with all kinds of Resistance intel.”

He huffed slightly from under his helmet, gently pulling you along as he began your peaceful walk through the greenery. Your son’s eyes went wide as he craned his head around from his place against your chest, attempting to take it all in. Gently running your hand over his back through the fabric you smiled to yourself, taking in the image you were a part of at this moment. From the overbearing and aggressively argumentative man that you had witnessed just months ago, Kylo had dramatically returned to his normal behavior. He was still impatient, still butted heads with you and tended to exhibit an overbearing protectiveness, but he was the man you remembered sharing those loving and intimate moments with when you had started adjusting to your marriage to the Commander. He still had a ways to go in improving himself, but for you, the efforts he had made thus far were duly noted and appreciated. Remembering what Phasma had said to you, you chuckled. Kylo turned to look at you, arching a brow underneath his mask.

“What?”

“Oh nothing…just something Phasma said. …Did you happen to bring a meal to this mission?”

Kylo stopped in his steps, seeming as though he were internally groaning.

 

“I knew I forgot something.”

You shook your head, still smirking to yourself as you remembered Phasma’s comment. Apparently partaking in violent combat only to find a peaceful location for a picnic was something your family in fact did. 

“It’s of no concern, forget it.”

Kylo nodded, continuing with his steps down the pathway as he held your hand. Despite it being almost entirely silent, aside from the sounds of the nature around you, you could sense everything Kylo was thinking and feeling in this moment. For the first time in months, he was at peace. Aside from the stress of his new responsibility, his growing duty to the Order and his deepened conflict, he had found a moment of peace. To provide at least that for him after the months of struggle and arguments between you, you were content. Things were finally turning around.


End file.
